All things must pass
Hello Underdogs, things have been pretty down and out for me of recent. I keep telling myself that all things must pass. I’m sorry that I have been absent so long. I’m not sure if anyone has noticed or not. I do this blog to help myself, and as a creative outlet. You see, I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but I’m too chicken to do anything about it. Yes, I blog. Yes, I’ve written books, but I could do so much more. At least I believe that I could during those few crazy moments that I have in my life. All things must pass, but sometimes, those stones are hard to get ride of.
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What stones am I talking about that I want to passqw? The stones of my youth, and in my head. My parents were good people. They did the best they could. My Dad never believed that I should go for a degree in writing because I would never get anywhere. He wanted me to get a job and stick it out for 35 years like he did. While that put food on the table, I hardly saw my Dad growing up and we lost a lot of time. It also literally killed him. The work was so hard on the body, and so stressful that he had to take a medical retirement package. He wanted me to find whatever job that I could get and stay no matter how poorly I was treated, or how much I hated it. It wasn’t in his nature to quit even when it was killing him. I listened to this advice and took almost any job that I could get. This meant that I was way underpaid and very overworked for over 10 years of my life. I got into a lot of trouble because I couldn’t even pay the very basics of life with my wages and ended up living on a credit card.
Those stones are still wrapped around my neck and I drag them with me everywhere. Those jobs also offered little to no health care. When I got very sick, I had to put that on the credit card as well. After I lost my health care, I didn’t go to the doctor for almost 10 years. I’m now paying for that with my health. My anxiety and depression also have been ignored because I didn’t have the money to even try to treat these issues. I couldn’t put the time into write because I was literally in survival mode, almost as far back as I can remember.
I have accomplished things that I am proud of, but I feel so beaten down at this point in my life. I’ve lost so much, and writing sometimes is what keeps me going. Since my Indy has died, I feel less inclined to even try. I keep myself very busy, but find little time to do things like sit down and write. It’s facing the stones around my neck that I’m not getting pass.
So, I sit here in a defeated mood, but not defeated. I keep going. I keep hoping that something will lighten up and come from all this suffering and hard work. I have worked so hard for so little and all I want to do is cover my bills, and take care of my Mom. I want to bring a few people some smiles with my blogs. I know this isn’t my normal blog, but I’m not my normal self at the moment. But don’t worry, this too shall pass, eventually.